I can't believe February is nearly over! It's been over a month since I "quit" Facebook, and I feel like I've been enjoying my days all the more. Obviously I've lost touch with my casual friends for the moment, but my closest friends and I talk often through email (send me a message at amshifley@gmail.com). I feel more present in Korea now I think because I'm not as connected to reminders of my life at home.
I'm slightly ashamed of this, but it's proven effective for meeting people: I recently joined a dating site specific to Asia. Before you freak out, there are a few things to know about Korean dating culture (some of which I found out too late). Koreans love being in relationships and they want you to be in one, too. I can't tell you how many times people ask me if I'm married or have a boyfriend simply because I can't remember all the instances. Wedding culture is huge here and parents are heavily invested in the romantic future of their children. Children are expected to provide for their aging parents, so it's important for a young woman, especially, to find someone who can provide financially for you. Family background and wealth are important factors in choosing a partner, appearance and any idea of "romantic" love are much less so. Many of my co-workers are noticeably antsy about the fact that they are approaching 30 and are not married. 30 is kind of the dead end age here. Don't be a spinster - get married fast!
Because marriage is so highly valued, Koreans date a lot. These dates often blossom out of friends-of-friends and online services, so the first date is usually also the first face-to-face meeting. I was talking to a Korean friend the other day who estimated that she has been on 50 blind dates in her life. I've been talking to a few different Korean guys and have had a couple of dates, but the cultural barriers are glaring. First of all, I really dislike how serious things become after one meeting. Boyfriends and girlfriends are expected to hang out all the time. I get a "good morning" text by the time I wake up. Around noon will be an inquiry into if I've had a good lunch. (Koreans always want to know if you've eaten. 'No' is an unacceptable answer.)
At night the texts usually read "What are you doing?"
Well, I'm watching a movie.
What movie?
Saved.
American or Korean movie?
American
It is movie with Macaulay Culkin?
Yes he's in it.
Can we meet tonight?
No, I will stay at home tonight.
Can we meet tomorrow?
No, not tomorrow.
Why?
Because I just saw you yesterday.
Then when can I see you again?
Next weekend?
Okay next weekend. What will we do?
I don't know yet, we can decide later.
Will you bring your friends?
Maybe.
Where will we meet?
I DON'T KNOW I'M TRYING TO WATCH A MOVIE.
It sounds stalker-ish, I know, but I've come to realize that this constant communication, the "What are you doing now?" is just how it is here. When someone likes you, they want to know what you're up to - ALL the time. Needless to say, my fingers hurt from texting.
Dating can also be a challenge because, well, we don't speak the same language. Conversations are generally a lot of work for my date and exhaustively tame for me. It's difficult to show your personality when you can't make a simple joke and you don't share the same pop culture. I'm really happy to be getting out and meetin' the locals but I consider dating Koreans to be more a hobby than a way of life. Don't worry, Mom.
* * *
Last night my co-workers and I went out after work to have a farewell dinner for a teacher who is about to go home. I had shabu-shabu for the first time and it was delicious. Basically, a big pot of soup stock is brought to your table and you mix in a ton of vegetables and rice cakes, then you add in beef, chicken, or duck. Then you eat to your heart's content. We had a few bottles of soju at dinner and everyone was feeling pretty nice when we went to a favorite bar called Rio's.
I ended up staying out later than I intended (got home around 1:30am or so) and headed straight to bed to prep for a day trip to Seoul on Saturday.
I wouldn't say I had too much to drink last night (especially compared to Summer in Columbia 2010...), but I was undeniably hungover today. But I took a quick shower and jetted over to meet my friend at the subway station. We rode to Yongsan Station in Seoul. Yongsan is crawling with American soldiers because a military base is there. We paid full price for some legitimate DVDs... then went to Itaewon, the most international area of Korea (think KFC, Subway, Quiznos, McDonald's, English bookstores, Greek food, and much to my excitement, a shop selling Sriracha Sauce!!). I was overcome with nausea while browsing for books at the bookstore. As the day progressed, my hangover actually got worse instead of improving. By the time we were ready to leave, my stomach bested my head and I decided I couldn't ride the subway back to Incheon. We grabbed a taxi and the driver upheld Asian-driver stereotypes. Within about two minutes of being in the car, I had to empty the bag holding my DVDs so I could puke. Somehow, the driver didn't notice and Natalie had the "She's pregnant" cover story prepared. We lurched through city traffic for half an hour until we got back to Incheon. I held my little black bag of vomit on my lap the whole way.
was actually browsing blogs for a link building job but ended up reading through the whole post lol (i usually just leave a comment based on the title). So firstly, this is really well written, couldn't help having a lil smile here and there, really shows that you love writing. Also while it's hard to adapt to a new culture, it can also be quite interesting to live a different lifestyle for a while. I would like to hear more about that part, even though u probably already talked about that in older posts (i will check when i have some free time). And these questions do sound VERY stalker-ish, not judging, just think its funny and makes me wonder what its like when they get married or if its just cause you're a foreigner and they expect to hear something weird like "licking my toes".
ReplyDeleteWell i have to go, this was really nice to read, i will be back, stay safe :P